


for the shutterbug, dance

by queerofcups



Series: skin and flowers, honey dipper [2]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coming Out, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, gender expression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 19:33:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9399923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queerofcups/pseuds/queerofcups
Summary: Dan frets about earrings. Phil kisses away crises.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, Danny Fire is just fucking with me at this point. 
> 
> This is just a little time stamp in the same universe as _looking like a morning star_ , though you don't have to have read that first.
> 
>  
> 
> Song title is from Kick Jump Twist by Sylvan Esso.  
> All things are fake, if this is about you stop reading.

Phil officially notices it on the third day.

It’s not unusual for Dan to go on kicks where he’s picked up a new show or musician and needs to know everything about them, reading through wikis and gossip blogs and lyric sites. Phil doesn’t really make a practice of questioning it, content to make affirmative listening noises as Dan shares his newly acquired knowledge at length.

So, it’s not til the third day, that Phil realizes Dan’s been clicking through site after site of jewelry websites. They’re sitting together in the lounge. It’s cold, even with the fire, so they’re huddled together a little, bumping shoulders. Phil was reading, but now he’s just looking at Dan’s screen. It’s easy to figure out Dan is only looking at thin hoop earrings in different materials, finishes and sizes.

Generally, Phil doesn’t watch Dan’s liveshows. He doesn’t say anything in them he hasn’t said to Phil already and liveshow Dan has a sort of nervous franticness that tends to set Phil off-kilter the rest of the day. He’d been in his room though, during the last liveshow Dan had done and heard what he’d said about earrings, dropping Troye and Connor’s names. He hadn’t really thought much about it, outside of a now reflexive worry that Dan might be revealing too much.

 In the months since Dan had started doing femme more publicly (and they’d start having halting conversations about coming out; usually in the softness of early morning or late, late night when they’re too close to each other for their words to go sharp), Phil has been trying to train himself out of worrying that Dan is doing too much or they’re being too obvious. It’s hard, and antithetical to the way they’ve been living life the last eight years, but watching Dan preen and blossom under the curious, and surprisingly gentle, curiosity of their followers has been worth it.

And Dan hasn’t really shown any signs of hesitation, before this moment, grinning and dancing away from definitive statements, giving viewers bits and pieces of himself and saving the best parts for Phil and himself. But watching Dan now, worrying at his bottom lip and scrolling up and down a page of earrings that don’t look that different to Phil, he knows Dan is fretting.

“The rose gold would blend into your skin a lot. Make it hard to see.” Dan jumps when Phil starts talking, looks over at him a little surprised, a little accusing.

“Don’t look over my shoulder,” Dan says, bratty. Phil rolls his eyes and scoots closer on the couch, to look more obviously over Dan’s shoulder.

“Can you not buy more than one?” Phil asks, honestly curious. Dan could buy a million of these little rings and swap them out every few minutes. Phil doesn’t really understand why Dan seems to be looking for the perfect onoe. He rests a hand on Dan’s shoulder, rubbing a little. The trick to comforting Dan when he’s fretting is to not let him figure out you’re comforting him. Otherwise he gets all offended and tries to turn it into a fight.

“It’s not the buying,” Dan says, still a little huffy. “I’m still not certain I can pull it off.”

Phil doesn’t say anything for a long moment. “Dan. You didn’t flip through Kanye sweaters for three minutes.” Honestly, Dan owns a number of pieces that Phil’s still on the fence about that he hadn’t hesitated to purchase. The Kanye sweaters just one of those rare times Phil’s been as unsure about it as their fanbase has been. He does appreciate the peek of Dan’s collar bones a lot though, it’s the sweaters best feature.

Dan snorts and rolls his eyes. “Because you don’t hesitate on a piece like that. You’ll come to love it someday. It’s just,” He sits back, trapping Phil’s arm between him and the couch. Phil tugs a little, pulling Dan into his chest.

“Just?” Phil asks. Dan sighs and tilts his head back, closing his eyes. Phil furrows his brow. This might be worse than he realized.

“Am I a twink?” Dan asks in a rush. A blush flares up, his neck and face turning a lovely pink.

“Huh.” Phil says. Perhaps he should have paid more attention to the people Dan name dropped in the live show.

Phil’s not actually sure of the answer. He’s definitely heard the term and knows what kind of man he’s supposed to be imagining right now. Troye certainly comes to mind, as does the Dan of a few years ago, before he filled out, his hips soft and curving into a small waist. Phil has delighted at seeing Dan’s body change, the ways his shoulders seem to keep spreading and the long line of his back seems to keep going.

“Do you want to be?” Phil finally responds.

Dan groans and turns his body to bury his face in Phil’s chest. “I don’t _know_ ,” he moans into Phil’s chest, the vibrations tickling along his sternum.

Phil laughs a little and runs his fingers through Dan’s hair. “I don’t think you have to label yourself as a twink to wear earrings, regardless? Unless they’ve changed the rules.”

Dan pulls his face out of Phil’s chest but stays close. “No, I know. But I’m looking at rings trying to decide which one will make me look gay. But I can’t tell if that means that I’ll pick it or I won’t? Which is so fucked up because a.—“

“There’s no such thing as looking gay?” Phil guesses. “Or you’re not gay.”

“Both of those!” Dan says, his voice going a little whiny. “Also, we’re literally on a countdown clock to coming out, so what does it matter?”

“We are?” Phil asks. He hadn’t known there was a _clock_ involved.

“We are,” Dan assures him. “Valentine’s Day. We decided the other day.”

“The other day?” Phil parrots, still unsure.

“Yeah. Last week? Tuesday. In the shower.”

“Dan.” Phil says. “That’s fine, but you can’t actually hold me responsible for decisions I make while you’re naked.”

Dan beams at him. “Sure, whatever. Valentine’s Day. Get your ideas together for how to convince them it’s really, really not a joke this time. Back to me and my weird internalized femmephobia.”

“Dan,” Phil says sadly.

“Phil,” Dan echoes.

“You’re wonderful,” Phill says, cupping Dan’s face in his hands. “You’re wonderful and lovely and deeply attractive and the way you do your femme thing is interesting and dynamic and you should just buy the damn earrings. They won’t be a signal of your impending queerness to anyone but the people who are expecting it anyway.” He pulls Dan closer to brush their lips together. “Not the rose gold ones though. You’re already very pink.”

Dan smiles against Phil’s mouth and pulls away. “Fine. But you can’t just kiss away all my identity crises.”

Phil shrugs. “It’s worked the last couple of times.”

Dan shoves him a little and turns back to his computer. When Phil looks a few minutes later, he’s made it all the way to a shopping cart page.

\--

“Phil,” Dan calls from his room a few days later. “Christ, Phil, which side do I wear them on?”

Phil sighs, puts the cereal back in its place. He heads down the hall, prepared to kiss away another crisis.

**Author's Note:**

> I live at thepisforpetty.tumblr.com, come say hi.


End file.
